This past weekend I had the most amazing adventure. I attended the She Streams conference in New York city with Rene Syler.

Yes. I am that famous. Please. Let’s be real. I’m about as mediocre as they get, but I was extremely grateful to experience the inaugural conference of She Streams. I have a feeling that next year this event is going to be huge.

But this past weekend was momentous for a couple of reasons. Until last Friday night, I had never met Rene. I had never been to a conference of this nature. And I had never been to New York. You might say it was a virginal experience all around.

It’s hard to say which part was more exciting; meeting Rene (and staying at her house for heaven’s sake) or seeing the city. The conference was so full of information, I honestly still can’t process it all. My mental hard drive crashed around 2:30 Saturday afternoon and after that all I could think about was having a beer and taking a nap. Pretty much in that order.

Although I’ve written for Rene for over a year now, our communication was always virtual. This weekend I was finally able to prove to myself she wasn’t just a finely drawn avatar in a pink jacket. After finding out that I was going to stay at Rene’s house, my husband asked me, “Don’t you feel weird about staying with someone you’ve never met?”

Maybe I should have been more worried. But Rene is all over the Internet. If she was going to chop up my body, I’m pretty sure someone would notice at some point. I can tell you three things after visiting her home and meeting her family:

SHE REALLY IS A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER: Things in Rene’s home are Perfectly Imperfect, including the fact that she feeds her cats on the kitchen counter. No problem, seeing as how she doesn’t cook much. She wears her hair in a ponytail. She forgets to get pedicures. And she works really hard. Which made me feel even better about walking around in my polar fleece pants and fuzzy socks.

SHE HAS AN AMAZING CAPACITY FOR HUMOR, HONESTY AND ENERGY: Rene operates on high speed all the time, which, from what I witnessed, was fueled only by caffeine and adrenaline. It is clear I need to drink more caffeine. Or plug my own veins into her adrenaline drip.

SHE SERIOUSLY WORKS IN HER CLOSET: And it’s full of high-heeled, power shoes, jeans, and pocket books. It’s even climate controlled; Rene’s tiny, six-inch fan puts out quite a nice breeze, even if it does muffle the calls of strangers searching for her in her home. You know, like when they arrived and just met her and hour earlier. It’s a pretty loud fan, I’ll give it that.

And what did I think of New York? Honestly? Well, if Boston and Las Vegas had a love child, I’m pretty sure it’d look a lot like the Big Apple. With less gambling of course, but probably the same amount of puke along the sidewalks outside the bars and nightclubs. Three things that stuck with me:

IT SMELLED: While walking the streets around Times Square on our way to the conference early Saturday morning, I encountered the pungent aromas of puke, Obsession cologne, garbage, cigarette smoke, and exhaust fumes all in the span of about three seconds. It’s a lot to take in that early on a Saturday morning, especially before any coffee. I like to wait until at least 11:00 a.m., after I’ve ingested an ample amount of caffeine, before I challenge my olfactory system.

YOU CAN BUY FUNKY FOOD ON THE STREET CORNERS: After we left the “W” restaurant/bar and headed back to the hotel, Rene asked me, “Do you want to get a dirty water dog?”

“You mean, like boiled meat?” I asked with snooty, disgusted tone.

“Yeah!” She exclaimed. “They’re delicious!”

I assured her I was happy to skip this tourist experience in favor of keeping down the dinner I had eaten a few hours before. For one thing, I have an issue with germs. Oddly enough, I also have an issue with boiled mystery meat, prepared in a cart that is not hooked to any fresh water source by a not-so-together gentleman sporting dirty latex gloves. Call me an uppity bitch if you will. And although Rene choked on the mustard all the way to the hotel, she assured me that dirty water dog was still delicious. I’m willing to take her word for it. I trust her that much.

I’D LIKE TO GO BACK: As much as I’d like to avoid the smells and seedy street vendors, I don’t feel like I was able to experience the best the city has to offer. I missed all the usual tourist sites—the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Hudson Bay, the Freedom Tower, and such. I also didn’t get to eat any fabulous ethnic food the city is known for (dirty water dogs aside). My children want to go as well, so they too can see many of the places they learn about in school or see on television. So while my trip to New York wasn’t quite what I envisioned in my head, I’m willing (and anxious) to give it another shot.

All in all, it was a fabulous weekend. I learned so much information at the conference I no longer had room in my brain. I was able to hang out with Rene and have one of the most memorable times I’ve had in quite a while. And the best part? Since this was a weekend sans children and husband, I found a little bit more of myself in the process. Who knew New York could show me all that?

Have you ever been to The Big Apple? What’s your overall impression of the city? If you live there, what do you like best about it and why? And how do you get used to the smell of puke in the morning?

 

Rachel Vidoni is a professional writer and blogger and former classroom teacher. She is a mediocre mother to three pretty neat kids. You can follow her humor and family blog at www.eastcoastmusings.blogspot.com. You might not be a better parent after reading her blog, but you will feel like one.